Like an increasing number of people in Britain, my new wife Magdalen Ermintrude suffers from Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. This is often known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, M.E. or the rather glib “Yuppy ‘flu”. Whatever you call it, and whatever it is, the upshot is that my dinner is always bloody awful!! After a hard day tipping in my tips study – I’m currently researching a book on top tips written in hyieroglyphs in ancient Egypt (Tutankhamun advised keeping your false teeth embedded in a grapefruit by the side of your bed! Good tut tip!!) – I often come back to a half-hearted plate of slops and croutons or a reeking tomato sauna! ‘Patrick,’ I said to myself, ‘Patrick, surely you could turn your tipular brain to the problems of someone with only very limited energy, and come up with an easy-to-follow series of easy yet delicious recipes, so as to stop having to eat such utter filth‘.
The answer, was yes.
As such, in the coming days and weeks, I’ll present the quickest, simplest and most delicious recipes you can produce if you’re a lazy cow who really can’t be bothered to lift a bloody finger. Or if you have Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, of course!! Stay tuned!
I don’t know about you, but one of the things I dislike most about going to see my GP is when they ask you for a urine sample!!! You know what it’s like – you have had the sample pot for months and month, just sitting there waiting to be filled, but come the day you forget it. Next thing you know you’re in the Practice’s toilet, trying to wring a few drops out into your doctor’s coffee mug!!! A lot of people, me included, find it difficult to go under that sort of pressure, and normally I come back with a beaker which is mainly just an inch of pubes, sweat and Cowper’s Fluid!!!!